Lately I’ve had to grapple the concept that my views, my beliefs (most notably politically) are changing.
This thought seemed to scare me.
The thought that would run through my mind when I couldn’t make a firm statement on Trump’s immigration policy (or something of the like) was always: “What if I change my mind about God?”
“What if I lose my faith?”
I’ve let this thought scare me on more than one occasion in my life.
When I was 11, it was that I was wrong. When I was 14 it was that I didn’t know enough. And now, it’s the fear that I might wake up one morning and not be completely enthralled with the magnificence of my creator.
I fear [not that what I believe as who I am now is wrong, I am certain that the Bible is truth] but that some distant version of myself, someone completely separate of who I am will believe something different than me.
I suppose you could call it being scared of who I could become.
This is something that worries me far more than it should.
The issue is, I have an identity crisis.
Not in the physical: name, face, and dress. But in the heart.
I have the fear of being different than I am now.
But I need to get over it.
Right now inner me is having a conversation with what I just said: “me!?! get OVER something. How dare you.”
Yeah yeah, well hear me out me (and you I suppose).
Who I am and who you are today is not who I will be in 10, 20, or even 30 years.
I will likely not ready the same books, watch the same movies, or have the same handwriting.
But the thing is, in hind sight, I’m so increasingly thankful that I’m not the same person I was even 5 years ago.
5 years ago, I was living 12 hours from where I live now, with some friends that have become drug dealers now, and living a life absent of strong accountability partners.
I believe God would have given a life just as beautiful and refreshing as that I live now, however, I would not know the same amazing people, have the same wise Christian influences, experience the same opportunities, or be the same person I am today.
I owe all the good in me now to things God has taught me in the years I’ve spent on this Earth.
So, maybe my thoughts will change, maybe my wishes and desires and everything I dream will change, maybe I’ll move to Zimbabwe and live in a hut, and maybe I’ll stay right here and touch the lives I can in my city.
There’s a lot of maybes and what ifs and worries to consider if we let fear creep into our conscious.
But friends, oh dear friends, there is some word for the wise right in Jeremiah 29:11 and Matthew 6:27.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
So my friends, when troubles arise and you feel change in commence, don’t worry for the future or fret for something you cannot hold, but instead, rest in the certainly of a God who knows every hair on your head and cell in your body.
Remember who God is and who your identity is as his child. Rest in the certainly of your salvation.
Be still (Psalm 46:10) -Allie
PS: as always, if you have any questions, comments, or concerns about Jesus, God, Salvation, or my theology, please send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org I would love to talk to you and/or pray for you!!