So here I am, tear-stained eyes, anxious heart, and yet, at peace.
The idea of peace is often a glorified concept. Calm, collected, knowing your future, trusting God completely with the plans He has. This idea of peace is unfortunately, not always reality.
The truth of the matter is that peace kinda sucks sometimes. And peace is often times you broken before God and just giving up. And that’s me right now.
But let’s rewind a bit…
This morning I read my devotional (a study of The Message called SOLO) and I’m in Habakkuk 1. And this guy is not happy with God. He’s sitting there practically screaming at God “This outrage!” “Why are you silent now?” “you can’t be serious!” and so on.
And my reaction is “oh my gosh, this guy has no respect for God.”
But the reality is, Habakkuk is saying what we all have wanted to say at some point in our lives. Whether it’s “God where are you?” “Why didn’t I get the promotion?” or even “You can’t be serious!” we all have said- or at least thought- something like this in regards to God and His plan.
And the crazy thing, and what I have begun to realize is, that’s okay. God wants us to be honest with Him and be honest with our frustration.
And so this morning I was. I vented to God. I questioned Him and didn’t hold back on my fears, doubts frustrations, and insecurities. Especially regarding college as I’m a senior and I have absolutely no idea where I’m going. And so I whisper-shouted (as it was 10am) at God. “I get you have a plan but where is it?” ” God give me something!”
And when I finished I did feel as if He was listening. But I was still on edge, and I still had no idea what I was doing or what He wanted from me.
Fast forward to to just a few minutes ago. I’m on Instagram just scrolling through my feed and I come across a post by a Christian company. All it says: I’m making a way – Isaiah 43.
And I break down.
In tears, I grab my Bible and try to find this passage knowing that God is trying to show me something. Knowing He wants to give me hope for the future.
And no, “go to blank university” was not written in the midst of the verses. But, what I did find was that idea of peace I mentioned earlier.
Isaiah 43:2 – When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
Isaiah 43:5a – Fear not, for I am with you
And there it was. Not complete calm, not a definite answer, not the kind of peace you see in the yoga instructor at the gym. But instead, a messy, unplanned, unfinished plan for the future.
Because true peace in Christ does not entail the yoga instructor faith: lacking trials or circumstance, a perfect life with definite answers and no fear. But rather, peace in Christ promises purpose, faith that is full of trials and circumstance but that provides a scripture for each of them. Faith that means there isn’t always a definite answer from God and that’s okay.
True Christian faith does not mean meditation, it means hope and peace in the remembrance that He is making a way.
John 16:33 – Allie
Email me questions or comments at firstname.lastname@example.org